What have we missed?
--after reading Li-Young Lee's"Have you prayed?" Your father’s voice. In the gowns of the wind, you talk to no one. "Have you prayed?" I have never asked my son. But strange. A troubled mother. A...
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lots of good stuff here -- i'm not familiar with the poem it references -- but i mad some edits i think make the read stronger....enjoyed!! "Have you prayed?" Your father’s voice. In gowns of wind,...
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Hi Lavender, I think this piece has good potential, but like Hadley I haven't read the referenced piece. I think the stanza breaks might be a bit of a problem in some places. For instance, L3/S2 just...
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Hi Hadley, Yes. You are right. I trimmed some words as you suggested. I am glad you think this good. Thanks a lot. Anna
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I like "gowns of the wind." I assume the faulty math in stanza 4 is actually hyperbole, though such would normally be for humorous effect, which I think is not appropriate here. I also like "hunger is...
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Li-Young Lee's what? (shouldn't there be a title there?)Love the "gowns of wind"! And I love this: A mother’s love is milk and sugar, But the math seems far off in the rest of that stanza and I don't...
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Hi Toni,Thank you very much for reading and comments. For your questions:Li-Young Lee's "Have you prayed?"Yes. The math is not working here... For love, for life, math does always apply correctly.The...
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Hi Stephen, Thank you very much for reading and comments. "Have you prayed?" Is Lee's father's voice.... but it could be mine, or anyone else... As for the math, I explained in replying above. Hope it...
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I totally agree with you that "For love, for life, math does always apply correctly." !! I just think it's going to look like a mistake to readers and would be easy to use the concept without being...
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another viewpoint It didn't look like a mistake to me... it looked deliberate, but felt treacly. Like when in a film the music tells you what to feel. I don'tknow what the solution is, but it seems to...
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Hi Tony, Thank you very much. I will revise it to make the change. Anna
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Hi Osal, Thank you very much. Sorry for being very busy to reply late. I am glad to have you all help. Anna
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Hi, Anna,Beautiful poem! I may leave out the last two stanzas. Why--it turns unncessarily didactic (explicatory) at that point, and it does not really add to the poem. This would leave this stanza...
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Hi Poetema, Thank you very much for reading and sharing your thoughts. I will think it over. Anna
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LS---I can't distinguish your poem from Lee's. too little Lavender Swing is added. I share your admiration for Lee and as you know, he has a world class reputation. his best known line in what is...
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LS Thanks so much for reminding me about Li-Young Lee. I reread some of his poems and several I hadn't enjoyed before. His work is just so wonderful it added a spark to my morning.Enjoy the...
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